#but im not living with my so anymore
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all i want to do is work on my winx stuff
but fuck
i forgot i have depression
#i have so much going on that it took the back burner for a while#but im not living with my so anymore#and i'm not getting any responses to my job applications#and my bank account is draining so fast#i cant even up my prozac bc it gave me nightmares when i did that and my dreams are always very vivid#sorry for vent but i am feeling sort of crushed and alone and venting on tumblr is a long standing coping mechanism for me#everything is weighing heavy on me and it brings me back to feeling like im on borrowed time after all#p#vent#text#whatevs tho i guess#just have to keep pushing and stuff
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Being someone who read Under The Red Hood and came out with the firm belief that, for Jason, it's not about killing Joker, it's about Jason wanting proof Batman would choose him over the Joker (bc shelia chose the joker). Makes seeing any other media where it's all about just wanting the Joker dead is a teeny bit frustrating. to be honest
Jason could've killed the Joker himself, really, really easily. Jason kidnaps the Joker before the confrontation. I can't open my comic for a reference right now, but it felt like he had the Joker for quite a bit before the confrontation. He had him. He beat him up with a crowbar. He had every single opportunity to kill the Joker himself, but he didn't because that wasn't his goal. Make no mistake, he did plan for the Joker to be dead by the end of it, but do you see what im trying to say here
Edit: If I knew this post was gonna get 1000+ notes I would've tried to word it better or something, this was a rant I made on the way to the grocery store 😭
It's not about making Batman kill either. When Batman says he won't kill, Jason adjusts and goes, 'Let ME kill the Joker or kill me to stop me' instead. The test is all about Batman choosing him. The whole final confrontation is Jason's first death again. The parent, The Joker, and the explosives. It even ends with Jason unable to move as a bomb goes off right next to him again because the parent didn't choose Jason. And instead tried finding an option that'd benefit them and (consequencely) letting the Joker walk, again, lol, lmao <-in agony
#the final confrontation was basically his first death again#and YES he Does want the Joker dead#and it would've been really really nice if Batman was the one who did it#but when batman made it clear he wouldn't kill the joker. Jason easily switched to saying “LET me kill the joker” to accommodate#because he Wanted batman to pass his test#he gave a test to dick too. and technically tim but it wasnt the family test it was a different one so it doesnt rly count#AFTER utrh and the reveal and the batarang you can go hog wild about it. i care less about it then#granted i do believe they make jason more scared of the joker after it at some point#i guess because hes a bit too willing to kill the joker and ive heard jason wasnt meant to live after utrh#my watsonian explain for that is he was so fixated on his plan he cpuld override his fear. or maybe the pit. either work#i prefer the fixation bc i dont like the explanation that the pit was the /only/ reason he could get all plan together and done#BUT THATS UNRELATED!!!#dc stop putting the joker in jason stories im begging you please please please. lock him in a vault for the next 20 years or something#it Cpuld be good and i understand. but also. after so long of people that dont know or go for jasons need for family and parents#that love him and he can trust#the joker starts to feel like?? hm. words. a cop out? oh haha its that guy that killed him woagh hes here#i bet you dont even know that jaybin got beat until unconsciousness by an angry mob#while asking batman to save him only for batman to have to walk away#anwya. where was i going with this#i think i got off topic#jason todd#dc comics#batman#ADDED AN EDIT. SORRY. this post has been haunting me it keeps me awake. what if people misunderstand#they cant read my tags where i ramble more depth. thisbis the only option#EDIT EDIT: hiii#removed the sentence abt jason having the joker for several days bc i misremembered some things#go read its-your-mind 's addition instead also#ok no more i wont edit this post anymore i promise
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oh yeah you know what time of the month it is
#i am in agony ooohhhh#my mom brought me soup#i dont even live with my parents anymore she brought me their leftover soup im so snfffff#love my mom#anyway#my art#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#nordidia art#rottmnt raph#id in alt text#period raph is back
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hi
gentle reminder that me and my family are still in need of help and my comms are open, i have school so i may not be very fast but i try my best to be despite the situation i currently live in it would be great if you could help in any way, even just by sharing. thank you for everyone who helped me so far (and a special thanks to EmeliaK), i had wished by now this would be over but it's not. so i gotta keep fighting
thank you
#important#more info is on the link that i put on the text#as always if you need more info im free to share#its just that the country i live in just sucks so bad and you need to pay for everything#so every single money we spend just. goes and never returns#because no one is also offering my mom any job#she did so many interviews too and they never called back#i just want all this to end in a good way im lowkey so tired#im so sorry i have to remind you guys of this again im just.#i was gonna draw something but my mom keeps crying about this i eventually cant keep pretending im ok anymore
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Even a hero needs some hope
#| haha i am so nervous on how these colors are gonna look on other screens#Hatchetfield#Nightmare time#Killer track#miss holloway#if they look pale its over-#i might die#no i will die-#1: Drawing this has drained me of my soul and will to live#2: I clearly don’t know how to draw microphones#3: Q: How much hair do you want? A: Yes#she came out looking so sad.... i guess that sorta works mm#Nightmare time 2#I think i hate this#but also thats to be expected#and also i cannot look at this anymore#or im gonna start pointing at every bad thing#or worse what if it looks too contrasted#i can't win
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(more persona 5 / persona 5 royal spoilers again)
(this one has art by dotdotdotukno on twitter please view)
compilation of specifically my obsession with ryuji and goro being terrible... friends??
#this doesnt even include me and kj's ongoing war live on the tl where every time he does anything i point at him and go 'ryuji'#and he does the same back at me#like the paws typo battle#which i won#p5#p5r#rookposting#goro akechi#ryuji sakamoto#akeshu#this one's kind of topical because LAVA is coming to australia soon#and im like i should pay human dollars to ask at least robbie but maybe robbie and max to say something?#and im like. i could ask them to read one of my dumbest tweets. i could do that as an adult with a job#but then the new problem is all my tweets are so dumb i dont know which one is the dumbest.#anyway last one for now ill wait a bit before i post anymore#.too much purse owner
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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last year i found a wii at goodwill for 25 dollars and it came with everything except a wiimote but it was in such good condition i was like hell yeah ill take it how hard can it be to find a wiimote. the answer is it's nearly impossible to find them at thrift stores now so i've spent like 8 months looking for ones in thrift stores but there wasn't a single one and then online but i just couldn't bring myself to spend 30 dollars on one single wiimote so i waited so. patiently. and then 2 weeks ago i finally found one at goodwill for 9 dollars but it was absolutely disgusting and the battery cover was missing and the compartment was all corroded so i put it back and regretted it the whole week but then this last weekend i went to savers and there was an absolutely perfect wiimote just sitting there with no corrosion and a jacket and the wrist strap and motion plus and the nunchuck was there too and i got it all for 10 dollars so the moral of the story is that sometimes things seem right for you in the moment but you have to recognize that they aren't and leave them behind so the things that are meant for you will in fact find you when the time is right. peace and love <3
#for real though im so happy i cant even lie like i regretted selling my wii soooooo much but anyway im back baby <3#im disinfecting everything rn bc i have a germ problem but once it it's done.....i am SO back#when i first got it i didnt have the remote right so i couldnt plug it in and make sure that it worked but i did just plug it into an outle#to make sure it ran and it did and wii sports resort popped out of the drive so thats fun bc i didnt have that one#and anyway i might cry when i hear the menu sound ngl ngl.#but the city i live in is like an overgrown retirement home and so the goodwill is full of old people things and this wii had stickers#like explaining which cord was which so i just know it was a wii that they bought for like grandmas house and only played it when they were#over there so anyway cant wait to see what's on there and if the news channel and weather channel are still on the homepage even though#i dont think they work anymore lol#also shoutout to the type a kid who kept their wiimote in such perfect condition that i wanted to cry when i saw it sitting on the shelf#ty <3
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Had this “Steve only hates impersonal nicknames” idea in my notes for a while and then after seeing @cholvoq ‘s wonderful art I had to turn it into a real thing for Valentine’s Day. This is 2.4k, i’m SO sorry edit: you can now read this on ao3 :)
Eddie’s a nickname guy. It’s always Dusty this and Gare-Bear that and JeffJeff here and Bobbie there and it’s Mikey and Maxxii and Nance-pants and Johnny and… big boy?
Him being a nickname guy makes it near impossible to hide his crushes. Thankfully, Steve had been really cool about it. Sure, he seemed a little stunned, but Eddie still had all his teeth in place by the end of that interaction, so he had called that a win.
He hadn’t known then that Steve was… different. Or he was starting to see it but what he thought was shocking then had really been just the tip of the iceberg. He hadn’t expected Steve to be nice. Or funny, or caring, or protective, or understanding.
He had learned all of that after everything. During chats on Hellfire nights while the kids cleaned up after themselves, during hangouts at the diner with Robin and Nancy, during Saturday afternoons when he went to pick out a movie only to end up talking with Steve, their conversation flowing until it was cut short by Steve’s shift ending.
After some time, Eddie had gotten to know Steve even more during long weekday nights when one came over to bring the other something they left behind, or to share a record, or to demand the beers the other owes or to show the other a stupid article in a stupid magazine only to end up making dinner together and watching a movie afterwards.
They stopped making excuses about two weeks ago.
Eddie had asked “do youuu… wanna come over?” on Saturday night, while nervously twirling his keys as Steve locked the front doors of the Family Video.
The evening chill had cut right through Eddie’s leather jacket as his keys clanged against his rings. But Steve had nodded with a smile and asked “pizza?” on their way to their cars, and Eddie had forgotten all about the cold.
Point being, Steve had been just fine with ‘big boy’ when it happened. Eddie’s a nickname guy. Him and Steve are hanging out more now, and so, Eddie’s been calling him more nicknames. Some of them are very intentional, others come completely without thinking, and it turns out, Steve takes issue with a few of them.
The first time it happens, Eddie’s underneath his van trying to get the damn thing to cooperate, the recent winter was tough on it, and it keeps dying out on him.
Steve sits nearby perched on a little stool, wearing his Family Video vest since he came by right after finishing his morning shift to see if they could make plans for lunch. Eddie suggested they grab something at the diner if and when he finally gets the van to start back up and Steve had agreed to wait.
He’s been telling Eddie about tonight’s basketball- game? match? super bowl? Is there such a thing as the major leagues of basketball? Eddie’s not sure, but he adores the sound of Steve’s voice and he’s kind of invested in the drama of players switching teams and retiring and whatever else Steve wants to tell him about. So, he’s been listening, not really bothering with asking for clarification for what he doesn’t understand yet. He’ll figure it out as they go.
He's blindly patting the floor around his legs for his rag, when he feels Steve put it right in his hand.
Eddie’s relieved. "Thanks, bud!" he says, the nickname just rolling off his tongue effortlessly, no meaning attached.
It gets kind of quiet all of a sudden. After about five seconds of Steve not talking, Eddie comes out to check on him, and finds him frowning at his legs.
"Don't call me ‘bud’" Steve requests, looking up at his face, his tone just a tad harsh. Eddie would think he ran into King Steve if he didn't know any better.
As it is, Eddie gets Steve probably thinks the nickname is childish or patronizing, so he doesn’t think twice of it, just gets a little sheepish and says "sorry, Stevie".
Steve smiles at that, a little cocky. He does his little mean girl shaking his head thing like he just got exactly what he wanted. Eddie feels his face twist a bit in confusion, but he likes it when Steve gets a little mean so he doesn't say anything about it and just dives back under his van as Steve resumes their conversation.
The second time it happens, they’re outside the supermarket. The kids shot out of the van as soon as it rolled to a stop, Steve calling out a warning after them while still listening to Eddie explain why Star Wars and Star Trek are actually very different but really good in their own way. Their conversation carries on as they hop out of the van, lock up and walk to meet at the front.
“I’m telling you, Star Trek is great. You would love it,” Eddie says, “you just have to give it a chance”.
Steve rolls his eyes at him, but Eddie can see his smile.
“Ok, alright,” Steve answers, “you can show me tonight then”, it’s almost too nonchalant. Eddie has to hide his grin.
Steve’s been suggesting they hang out more and more lately, and he can’t help but feel a bit hopeful. They clearly enjoy each other’s company, their time together is never dull, Steve seems to be really comfortable around him and maybe, just maybe…
“Should we get beers then?” Eddie asks, excited at the prospect of some more time alone with him. They haven’t had a weeknight hangout since Eddie fixed his van last week. He kinda misses the very specific color of Steve’s eyes in the Harringtons’ yellow living room lamplight.
“Yeah,” Steve says, his eyes get soft in a way Eddie only started noticing a couple of weeks back, “we can watch it at my place” he adds. Eddie thinks he definitely hasn’t seen him look at anyone else like that.
To shake himself out of the spell of the prettiest boy he’s ever met making the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen at him and ONLY him, Eddie grabs Steve by the wrist and starts marching them towards the supermarket’s front doors.
Without thinking, Eddie says "c'mon man," as they go.
Steve, who started easily following him (like he always does these days), suddenly stops in his tracks. Eddie gets pulled back and almost stumbles on top of Steve. He'd get flustered if Steve wasn't frowning at him like he’d just said the most insulting thing he’d heard this month.
"Don't call me ‘man’" Steve says. Eddie feels his eyebrows raise a bit.
He debates asking why but doesn't question Steve in the end. He’d rather offer understanding than judgement to him any day.
So, Eddie takes advantage of Steve's wrist in his hand, and squeezes there a bit, says "I'm sorry sweetheart" sincerely, looks into Steve's eyes so he can see Eddie means it.
Steve blushes a bit then, not really used to the nickname yet, Eddie just got the balls to start using it last week. Eddie himself is not really used to seeing Steve blush, and at something he says? It’s too much power for one metalhead.
But he gets distracted from Steve’s blush because it happens again, Steve basically preens like a peacock once Eddie switches nicknames. Looks smug, like he has Eddie wrapped around his finger and well, Eddie guesses he does, so, no arguments there either.
He just smiles back at Steve, really, has no other choice, it’s not like he can control how he reacts to the most gorgeous fucking face the universe could ever come up with. But he tugs him along again, Steve happily following this time.
The next time it happens, Steve’s leaning against his kitchen island, with Eddie leaning across from him against the counter.
The party is watching a movie in the Harringtons’ living room and at some point, Eddie got up to get himself another soda, Steve not so subtly followed after him, taking the empty popcorn bowls to the sink. He struck up a conversation and there they stayed.
Eddie’s been turning the small gesture around and around in his head. Clearly Steve’s not shy about seeking him out, and he’s obviously good with the party knowing, which means a hell of a lot because those are Steve’s people, that’s his family.
Eddie’s honestly running out of excuses to not ask him out. Seeing him reaching out to bump his sneaker against Eddie’s boot when he says something funny, laughing just a little too hard at Eddie’s dumb joke; seeing his eyes widen a bit when Eddie compliments him; seeing him notice when Eddie is holding back from talking too much, and not letting it go until he thinks Eddie’s shared all of his opinions on the subject; Eddie thinks maybe he can be brave, when it comes to Steve.
And this week might be the perfect time.
Here they are still, the movie long ended and several easy conversations floating from the living room to the kitchen, where they’re still engrossed on their own.
“I mean I taught the kid how to do his hair for god’s sake!” Steve is saying, Eddie’s laughing easily, and he has a slight suspicion Steve’s acting way more annoyed than he really is because he knows Eddie dies laughing every time Steve roasts the kids.
“Just, if he’s gonna give me hair advice, he should work on that goddamn tone. At the Very Least.” Steve finishes, Eddie giggling all the while at his Annoyed Mom tone.
"Yeah, dude!" Eddie agrees, wanting to egg him on, but Steve's face suddenly falls and whatever remark Eddie had locked and loaded just fades away.
Eddie blinks perplexed; he’s getting déjà vu.
Steve frowns at him, says "Don't call me ‘dude’".
It’s eerie, only he sounds a bit annoyed this time.
Eddie thinks, maybe someone called Steve ‘dude’ before in an unpleasant way, so he doesn't pry. Instead, he takes the chance to call him a nickname he likes more, and says "Sorry, pretty boy", his heart fluttering in the milliseconds he has to wait for Steve’s reaction.
And it happens one last time: Steve absolutely beams at that one, his smile so bright it makes Eddie want to jump in place.
He leans further back on the counter returning the smile, not noticing the common thread in Steve’s reactions to him switching nicknames.
But then the glint in Steve’s eyes suddenly brightens a dim corner of Eddie’s brain. He gets this feeling that reminds him of a perfectly set up riddle or finding that one perfect note for his latest song. It’s like everything suddenly just makes sense.
Eddie feels realization dawn on his face as he pushes himself off the counter to walk right into Steve’s personal bubble, grabs both of Steve's hands.
"Steve" Eddie says, not even caring that he sounds like the name is dripping in honey when it comes out of his mouth. With how sweet Steve is, it might as well be.
Steve just looks at him a little stunned, but doesn't say anything. Eddie draws circles in the back of his palms to reassure him.
"Why don't you want me to call you ‘dude’?" Eddie asks, trying to find out if this whole thing is what he thinks it is.
Steve looks down at their joined hands,.
"You call Nancy that sometimes..." Steve mumbles.
His answer would sound inconsequential to the unsuspecting, certainly would have to Eddie as late as last week, but Eddie thinks he’s finally getting it, and he hums his understanding.
"How ‘bout ‘man’?" he asks
Steve replies "You call Robin that sometimes..." his eyes still on their hands.
Eddie nods his agreement.
"I call everyone those things" he points out.
Steve agrees. "Exactly" he says, finally looking at him again, sounding annoyed and confirming Eddie’s suspicions.
Eddie feels his face split into a smile. He wants to grab Steve’s beautiful freaking face and just plant one on him.
"Can I still call you sweetheart?" he ventures instead. The nickname brings the hint of a smile to Steve's face but then he seems to realize something not so pleasant.
"Do you call someone else ‘sweetheart’?" Steve asks in return.
"No one" Eddie says, shaking his head, his tone vehement.
"Then yes" Steve finally answers. Eddie's heart wants to beat right out of his chest.
He interlocks their fingers to ground himself, Steve looks down at their hands and smiles at the sight.
"So, you don't want me to call you something I call someone else?" Eddie states, more than asks, calling Steve’s eyes back to his again.
"Anyone else" Steve confirms, holding his gaze.
Eddie lets out a small shuddering exhale and feels his heart fluttering in his throat, he really cannot believe this boy.
"Steve" Eddie drawls, dripping in honey again, his hands coming up to cradle Steve's face because he really can't resist anymore "Sweetheart" he says.
Steve's eyes grow a little wide and he starts blushing so much that Eddie can feel it in his palms.
"Steevieeee" Eddie sinsongs, squeezing Steve's face a bit "Pretty boy" Eddie calls him. Steve just keeps looking at him and a small smile blooms in his pretty, pretty face.
"Would you let me take you out to dinner this Friday?" Eddie finally asks him, his fingers curling to the back of Steve's head to play with his hair there. Steve's eyes get even wider.
" 's Valentine's this Friday" he points out. Eddie knows.
"Mmhm. Want you to be my Valentine." Eddie tells him, tugs his hair gently, "How's that sound?" he asks, bold in a way he never has been before. Steve blushing does things to him.
"Sounds nice" Steve answers. He smiles and nods while his hands hook on Eddie's belt loops.
"Then it's a date?" Eddie asks, trying not to sound too eager. He thinks he fails spectacularly but Steve beams and pulls him in to kiss his cheek.
"It's a date" Steve tells him, his breath ghosting on Eddie's cheek and making him shiver.
Steve pulls back, lets go of Eddie’s belt loops and tugs on a strand of his hair gently, smiling like the cat that got the cream as he walks back out into the living room.
Eddie’s gonna make this the best Valentine’s Day date Steve has ever been on.
#steddie#steddie fanfic#steddie fanfiction#steddie headcanon#steddie fic#Steve maybe gets a lil emotional the first time Eddie calls him 'sunshine'#steve harrington#eddie munson#adhd/autism eddie my beloved#fanfic#stranger things#sigh. im not really satisfied with this I wish I could get more of Steve in it#i ESPECIALLY wish it was better so it could live up to that AMAZING ART OMG IM INLOVE WITH IT 😭#but it's almost not Valentines anymore so here#have it#i just want it to leave me alooooneeeeeee#but anyways#i might put it on ao3 later#i just get so embarrassed about my other fics but i also dont wanna orphan them idk#asdfghjkllkjhgf#whatever. good night#i hope your Valentines was nice <3#bossy mean girl princess steve supremacy forever#.
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I GOT A CAT!!!!!!!
#rosie lives at my parents house and shes getting on in years so i have my very own baby for my apartment now… shes such a sweetheart and her#name is audrey#time to start a new tag for her :D!!!! im so excited im not going to be lonely anymore#long distance relationships are hard. cats are good#audrey#cats#mine
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Inspired by this post, a really good discussion about it, and reassurance that life doesn't end after your twenties - quite the opposite in fact. Happy 43rd birthday Kaiba <3
#kaiba seto#seto kaiba#ygo#ygo dm#I KNOW IM LATE AJKSDHJASKF AGAIN#OTP: 'Kaiba x choosing over and over to live and keep going and reach out to the people already there waiting for him'#you can tag any ship you want tho lol#(shhhh in my secret extended brain universe)#(jou and anzu get together in their late 30s and between both of them CANNOT wrap a present)#(honda made the cake)#(yuugi will always answer the phone no matter how late)#(mokuba is family to all of them)#(isono has been offered several generous retirement packages and won't take them)#(he is going to SEE THESE KIDS THROUGH DAMN IT)#(Seto won't let him bodyguard anymore tho so mostly he just hangs around enjoying his seventies)#art tag
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please please please please please please please let me tell you about this comic I want to make it so bad please I can not wait I am losing it
If I don't make the comic then I'm not going to make it... I need other people to see what is in my brain so I'm not the only one going feral over them
#IM NOT GONNA GET TO MAKE IT FOR LIKE A YEAR...#well.#hmmm...#9 months#BUT it won't launch for like a year#so no one will get to SEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!1#I'm shooting for pride month next year#pri(demon)th#LMAO#please pleae spleaple pla psl eaplse plaese#also when I say I want to talk about them I dont mean like let me ramble I mean... its hard to explain#but I want to be able to be like omg this meme is soooo zagan#and stuff like that#like I want them to Exist for me and for other people#so that they can be like a part of our lives#I mean. I also want to talk about it#but the story is still technically at that point where anything I make right now is still possible to change#cause. like. yknow.#the way writing works#especially for webcomics#ESPECIALLY for long form webcomics#and ESPECIALLY for me#is that until I get to actually see it as thumbnails#I dont know wtf is actually gonna happen.#like. stuff I've had planned for YEARS isn't making it in the furhter I'm getting into development#and I had always had it in my mind as a canon event but it's just sorta not anymore??#so. yeah I dont want to share too much outside of just art of them#cause I don't want there to be like Wrong information out there....#anyways.#we were legion
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old drawings i found and enjoyed while looking for something else
#a doodley#i dont know what happened. some of these are from so little ago and i cant do em anymore#i used to take full color full body couple comms now i cant even draw oc self ship interactions anymore.#granted the comms werent that good either but ykwim i cant even do it for leisure anymore#and its also so weird when i look at my old stuff that i always have like. non linear improvement. it rises and falls all the time#thats not good! why cant i Keep what i learn! and why does Learning make my art worse when im trying to make it better....#its crazy seeing how well i could draw faces (sometimes) before i started studying faces. now they rarely look as good.#alas. once again i feel im the result of a non artist forcing their way to it ykwim#an equivalent of a land mammal trying to live underwater
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YUHHH the fact that this is technically fnaf fanart is crazyyy. YEAH this is my design for a grown-up Elizabeth Afton! Those who follow me know that I like doodlin her a ton, and since I'm on a short break from college I thought I'd do an actual, completed drawing of her! She's just my oc at this point, I love drawin her. She's probably like 17 or 18 years old here. YAYAYYYY
#idk I don't even care anymore bro that's MY DAUGHTER NOW.#sorry william SUCKS 2 SUCK !!#the freckles arent very defined rahh oh whatever too lazy#it's lizzie's world and we are just living in it#she's like my oc.............in law#im 22 years old doin this. and it makes me happy so shush#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#elizabeth afton#fnaf au#my art#yapping#afton family#small artist#pink#girly aesthetic#1990s#I also have grown up Charlie designed muhahaha gotta draw her next#oc#original character#SHE IS NOT but she is but she isnt but she is.#you know#artist on tumblr#art#krita#digital art
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if you had read the story of hind raghab, if you had seen the picture of the child hanging from a pole, its lower body shredded, if you had seen the boy carrying pieces of his brother in a body bag, if you had known the soul of my soul, the story of refaat, and the countless war crimes israel has committed just in 7 months then you wouldn’t stream the song skz is putting out with charlie puth, a zionist and overall bad human, and that israeli producer. you would send a clear message that zionism isnt welcome in any capacity in any medium and you wouldn’t want to fund people who support its hateful ideology. this isnt a matter of being a skz anti and im so fucking tired of people painting it as such. where do you draw the line for your morals?
#‘im just here for the kids’ they will be fine if you dont stream one song#and even it they wouldnt be it doesn’t matter because human lives prevail profit#i just saw a fanbase raising 3500+ for this song#do u know what this kind of money could do for a family of palestinians rn#im so livid and it’s actually crazy that there isnt a general consensus about boycotting this song as it has been for cocacola#what’s different?#maybe u saw that this song could actually chart so u dgaf anymore about palestinian lives????#why would u even want skz to br associated with zionists in the long run???#im so mad like this is driving me insane#charlie puth is a nobody too like 😭 FREE US OH MY GOD#stray kids
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Theres no words that can describe the complete alienation of having severe long covid. One infection, caused directly by political decisions to remove public measures, and i cant walk. Can't stand except on really good days which are getting rarer. Sitting is a privilege i dont always have. Cognitive work is too much of a risk to consider for the moment. I live in constant fear of going back to being utterly bed ridden in the sense that i cant even feed myself, drink water, speak, move my limbs beyong my fingers and toes. For days and days without relief.
Nothing feels real. Every gain can be lost in a literal second. And on top of this, the fear of reinfection. The very real possibility of death, given how weak a single infection has made me when I was healthy and young. The even more real possibility of a worsened state, where there are no good days. That means death, too. If i am constantly in a state where I cannot move, i am going to have to resort to euthanasia because it is not a bearable existence. I can barely tolerate it when it know it will end. Last time was 14 days and I am still so traumatized by it 2 months later nothing feels real.
And on top of that, i am being told that my life doesnt matter. Covid is not a real concern. Let it fester. Even if the stairs in my building didnt lock me in, all public spaces have become lethal to me. I cant see my friends because they cant avoid exposure when theres a wave. To love me, you must live in a horrific world where no matter how many precautions you take, no matter how much they ostracize you, you might still cause my death.
Covid is a privileged issue they say. Im not even in the room for it bc i cannot be in the room. You can move your body, youre not afraid of death, you havent lost everything that makes you *you*, but im the privileged one. I cant even emote the way i used to. If i get too excited, too happy, i cant move. I talked to countless people who cant work anymore, are losing their jobs their houses their partners their immigration permits but no. Covid doesnt matter. I dont matter. Everyone cheered when i got covid bc they got to party for new years eve. I hope it was a good party. I will never agree that it was worth my life.
For the past 2 years ive had to share classrooms with students and professors who know everything about my story, who have seen how disabled i am by long covid, who ive begged to mask. They all refuse to mask. And i have to sit there and pretend its not a cosmical level farce that theyre talking about social justice and ethics and just what good people they all are. Not to mention that most of them have revealed themselves to be zionists. I have to sit next to an iof soldier and act as if its ok that she gets to sit in this classroom, except im not even sitting in the room because cases are too high and im too weak to be there physically anyway, so im on zoom. At least i get to remove my earbuds when she speaks so i dont have to think about the atrocities she has committed.
#long covid#complete loss of faith in the future#no one cares if i live or die even among leftists#i cant even be in the room anymore to be seen#its been almost 3 years of living in the most horrific reality#this summer has been so. dehumanizing#please care. please wake up. no matter where you are.#covid#btw if youre queer and you pretend to care about aids but dont a give a shit about covid. i hate you personally 🧡 do better#ive found extraordinary resemblance between my despair and the despair of people dying during aids. we are the same.#except their community started giving a shit. when will you#also people with mecfs who had it before covid im holding your hand we're in the same boat my future is your future
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